Friday morning and everyone's getting ready for school or work. I yet again check with Zack that he has his form safely in his school bag, he rolls his eyes, gives me a fed up look and nods his head, its the second time I've asked, but its an important document so I'm bound to ask a couple more times.
I glance in the mirror to check my hair is behaving, its all tied up & back in plaited pigtails but the wisps of newer, shorter hair fall free & need to be coaxed back into groups of ringlets. I feel rough due to suffering for the past couple of days from flu and I'm trying to look decent for the school walk, the judgemental stares which are more likely to be more in my own head than on the faces of others. My mind wanders back to the form, I cant help but worry if its the right choices. We've researched Zacks chosen career for the past 5 years, but now its written in ink, the first steps towards what he's always dreamed to do, his GCSE choices.
What if he doesnt get his first choices? Its ok, I decide, he's already had a university say they think he should study with them, he's intelligent enough to do well, extremely well, too intelligent most of the time, things come too easily for him & that breeds laziness. University, eep, that means costs, no, mustn't think of that at the moment, he isnt even TAKING his GCSEs yet.
I focus again on the mirror, I spot a couple of white hairs shining in amongst the mass of dark brown, he's only 4 years younger than when I had him, thats a scary thought, in 2 years time he can legally have children. I hope he's sensible, I hope he doesnt get caught out, no, not going to think about it.
I roll my eyes as I know I'll soon be getting that same question I get asked at every milestone moment since Zack finished primary school "Doesnt it make you feel old?" No, when my knee aches in a morning I feel older, when I find I've out grown a lot of people a decade younger than me, their problems and attitudes seeming silly, petty & largely self inflicted for attentions sake, then I feel older, but not because my son is growing up. I notice in the mirror the downy hair above his lip he's had for the past year has darkened, I wonder how that happened without me noticing and acknowledge in my mind how his adult face is beginning to form, more chisled features and a sense of identity beginning to develop.
One last glance at the mirror, theres a smear of smaller fingerprints, Kai's obviously been pulling faces at himself again in it, another job to add to the list, clean the mirror. I decide its cold enough for a wooly hat, mainly to hide any imperfections in my hair that morning, and I'm back to the rush, yelling to the youngest to get out of bed & hunting out PE kits that should have been got the night before.
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This post is brought to you in conjunction with Alexa's "
Simply a Moment", a monthly post to take a moment to stop, notice & record part of everyday life.
